yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the condom got lost in my hair
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
