i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
