I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
