Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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