Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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