They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
