I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
