Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
