dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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