At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Small penises have feelings too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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