Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
