i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
