My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
