I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
