Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
