Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
