She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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