chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
