i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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