Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
