Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
