I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
