We're like a lot better than the average bears
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
