Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
