Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
