This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
