Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
