Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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