turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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