I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
