i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
