you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
