im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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