Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
