I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
