My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i now understand why vodka
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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