my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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