i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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