Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize