a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
