She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
