so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
