That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
