saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
