using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
