RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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