Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
