i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
