I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
