go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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