wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
