You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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