On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
