I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
