I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want her autograph on my taint
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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