JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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