dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
