One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
